Cosmopolitan

Title: Cosmopolitan

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: RenoxRude, also Cissney and Elena in fic

Rating: it's a fic with *Reno* in it. You figure it out!

Summary: mostly drabble

  

  

Cissney made a sour face and tapped her pencil on the paper.

  

"Alright. Let's move to the next question. What is Rude's middle name?"

  

"The fuck should I know?" Reno peered at her over his crossed arms, slouching over the little table at ShinRa's employeers lounge. "I don't even know his last name. P'rolly don't even remember my own these days."

  

"It's Sinclair." Elena shot in helpfully.

  

"If you say so, sweetheart." Reno shrugged - quite a feat when lying halfway cross a table.

  

"Where did he grow up?" Cissney pressed on, making little angry marks with her pen.

  

"Rude? Somewhere warm, I guess, since he's all brown."

  

Cissney rubbed her temples.

  

"Where do his parents work?"

  

"Think we torched that place once…"

  

"Reno!" Appalled, Cissney threw her glossy magazine on the table and stabbed her pencil threateningly at her red-head co-worker. "You don't know *anything* about your partner! Your relationship is the worse ever!"

  

"Says who, yo?" A bit pissed, Reno sat up and glared at her. "I ain't having anyone down talking us!"

  

"Says the Cosmoplitan!" Cissney crossed her arms and didn't back off. "They have constructed this scientific test to determine the status of relationships, and according to it, you two are not even friends!"

  

"Since when do I give a shit what a fucking paper has to say?" Reno snorted and yanked the glossy magazine from her, sneering at it. "Look at this shit! 'What's his favourite food?' 'What the fuck kind of pet did he grow up with?' Who gives a fuck?"

  

"It shows you care for him! That you want to know him!"

  

Reno sat back, looking up at the girls who frowned down on him. Scowling, he lit a cig and waved it at them.

  

"Look, I know everything I need to know about Rude. I know spicy wutai food makes him fart bad enough that he has to open the Gods-damned window. I know he'll bring a rocket launcher to a knife fight. I know if I stick my tongue in his ears he get goose bumps all the way down to his ass. I know if I need him, he'll back me up.  I know if I fall, he'll catch me. I know he'll light up the fucking sky just 'cuz I love it. What the Hell else do I *need* to know?!"

  

The girls stared, Elena visibly melting and Cissney a bit taken back.

  

"That is…that is probably the most romantic thing I've ever heard you say, Reno." Cissney said in a low tone.

  

"That is so cute!" Elena fawned. "You two do so belong together!"

  

"I also know he's got balls the size of oranges and a dick like you wouldn't believe." Reno grinned. "So if any of you ladies are in for a threesome - or an orgy, that's fine to - just say the word…ow! Ow! OW! Stop hitting me!"