Ensign Sue Must Die

Title: Ensign Sue Must Die part 1
Author: Enide Dear
Pairing: Valenwind…or is it?
A/N: Inspired by the Webcomic Ensign Sue Must Die (can be found here on dA) and Wikipedia Weirdest Murders in History.

A/N2: For the Sue Must Die! Contest at :iconvalenwindluvers:!


Soft, warm feelings wasn’t what Vincent knew best. For several weeks he’d been convinced he was coming down with a mild fever, perhaps even the flue, due to the flushes of warmth that seemed to engulf his body at random moments, the strange bouts of dizziness, the sudden rush of his heart. Feeling awkward about it, he’d finally asked Aerith as the group’s healer what might be done. It was distracting after all, and although not entirely uncomfortable still something he felt he must get to the bottom of.

Aerith had listened patiently and after he was done listing his complains she’d taken his hand, patted it gently and told him he was in love and that there was no cure for that. And if there had been, she wouldn’t have told him. Being in love had brought a healthy glow to his cheeks and she thought it was all for the good.

He had balked, vehemently denied it and stormed out. It had taken at least three nights of brooding before he was able to admit it to himself; yes he was in love. And now that he knew the signs from himself he could see them in his love interest as well; Cid seemed equally clumsy and red cheeked whenever he was around as well.

But none of them were in particularly good at romance and the ensuing wooing was awkward and painfully slow. But today, Vincent had decided, would be different. Today they would finally kiss – at the least. His heart was pounding as he drove up towards Rocket Town and his undead body was tingling as if waking up from a slow winter. He was nervous, but he would not let that stop him.

The Tiny Bronco was out today; Vincent saw the tiny plane roaring over the clear sky, diving, rolling, making all kinds of loops and fancy tricks. Cid was the best pilot in the world, after all.
But today the pilot seemed even better than usual; the skill of the breathtaking air acrobatics made Vincent slow down and come to a halt just outside Cid’s house, unable to take his eyes off the plane. Cid must have really been practicing.

“Ain’t bad, huh?” A gruff, familiar voice said next to the bike and Vincent startled.

“Cid?” He frowned, perplexed. “I thought….you never let anyone else fly that plane.”

“Well, yeah.” Cid lit a smoke, not meeting Vincent’s eyes. “Things have changed. C’mon, I’ll introduce ya to my new co-pilot. I think she’d landing now.”

Feeling stunned, Vincent followed, watching as the plane made a perfect landing. Someone jumped out and waved as she climbed gracefully from the plane. Skipping over to them, she took off her helmet and shook out her hair. Vincent, stunned and stiff as an old stick figure, found himself looking down at long flowing hair the color of gold, a body curving in all the right places, a face as perfect as a renaissance painting and eyes as vacant as the sky. She beamed up at him and threw her arms around him, pressing her body against his. Vincent, who didn’t liked to be touched even by people he knew, stood stock still and tried to override the Turk part of his brain that went into paranoia red-light at the closeness of a stranger. Cid coughed awkwardly.

“Hi!” The terror from deepest Hell smiled at him. “I’m Mary Amethyst Starborn Dragonfriend Twillight Sue! I’m captain Highwind’s new ensign!”

Vincent looked at Cid who could just facepalm helplessly. Before any of the men could say something, Ensign Sue let go of Vincent to jump on her next prey. Being somewhat sturdier and not quite as reversed to physical contact, Cid still squawked as a startled chickabo when the blonde horror threw herself around him.

“Oh Captain!” She blinked jewel-like eyes at him. “Didn’t you promise to quit smoking if I succeeded in three heart rolls and five loops with the Tiny Bronco in combination with an unheard of challenge to sky dive with the plane, not rightening it until the nose touched grass?”

“Well, yeah….” Cid tried to fend off her arms but she managed to get a hold of his cig, staring at it with tears in her eyes, tears that somehow only brought more shine to their sapphire-like charm.

“And I did it, didn’t I? Of course I did! I am the most talented pilot in Midgar – no the world! That’s why ShinRa sent me here to train under you, after all! It just took me two years to complete basic training, and that’s usually a five year education.”

Vincent could only stare as the monstrosity crawled all over his beloved pilot, yapping happily about something or other about planes and engines and flying that apparently meant something to Cid but was pure gibberish to him. She was perfect. She was young, and vibrant and talented and Cid didn’t seem to mind at all having her touching him. What man would? Well, what man except an undead gay Turk?
Too many emotions – and none of them warm and soft – crowded inside Vincent; he had to get away before he did something he would regret forever.

“I’ll….just go make tea.” He mumbled, stalking off towards the house, but was rudely interrupted by a soft hand taking his brass claw.

“Oh, no! Let me do it! I spent five years in Wutai learning how to brew tea from the tea masters ancient secrets!” She started to skip away towards the house. “They don’t teach that to foreigners, you know! It is a good thing I am half wutaiinese!”

Vincent stared after the blonde, blue eyed apparition, trying to get his head around the statement.

“What part of her is possibly wutaiinese?” He asked confused.

“Never fucking mind that!” Cid sighed and put his arm over Vincent’s shoulders, leading him away to a quite place in the shade of the house. “C’mon, I haven’t seen ya in ages. Is everything alright?”

“I….” Vincent didn’t know how to answer that. Everything had been alright up until half an hour ago, when that little shrew of perfection came crashing all over his plans.  He felt his hands clench and unclench to fists; dark jealousy and anger boiled inside him. There were no way he was going to let that…..that….that *bitch* come between him and Cid! “Everything is fine.” He said firmly. “I was wondering if I could stay here for a few days?”

“Sure!” Cid shone up, but then he got that embarrassed look again. “Aw, crap, I forgot. Ensign Sue has the guest room. But ya know, the Inn’s jest across the road. If that’s ok? I mean, ya don’t have ta pay or anything. Yer my guest, still.”

“That’s fine.” Vincent tried to contain his rage. Kicking him out of Cid’s house, would she? Well, they’d just see about that!

Sue choose that exact moment to come skipping around the corner with the tea mugs, her short skirt riding high on summer-tanned legs.

“Oh captain! While I was making tea, my multi-tasking brain came up with a solution as to why the rocket suddenly started roaring almost as if it was taking off yesterday when I was in the control room! It must have been my life giving aura that impregnated the AI to almost come to life! I am an Inspire, you know. It’s a good thing I have spent five years studying rocket science at Shinra and could shut it off before it bore me into space, or exploded!”

“Yeah, that must have been it,” Cid mumbled into his tea.

“An Inspire? Like Reeve?” Vincent frowned. He hadn’t known there were other people who could bring artificial objects to life. And even for Reeve it was a slow process of careful building, trials and errors and painstaking research that had taken most of his life before he could bring Cait to life. He couldn’t just touch a toaster and start ordering it around.

“Oh yes!” Sue happily wetted her perfect red lips with the fragrant tea. “I was raised by Inspire robots you know.”


That night, after dinner at Cid’s which Sue had made from traditional Mideel couisine (‘I am half Mideel, you know), Vincent retired early to his room at the Inn. He unpacked one of the few new things he’d bothered to learn – a laptop – and quickly skyped a secret ShinRa number.
Tseng answered almost immediately. Although it was hard to tell from the stoic man’s features, Tseng seemed….harried.

Vincent didn’t bother with niceties.

“Tseng, you owe me after the remnants. I want all information you have on a Mary Amethyst Starborn Dragonfriend Twillight Sue, current ensign of Cid Highwind. I believe she has studied at ShinRa although I must admit I find her timelines unlikely.”

For a few seconds, Tseng said nothing. Then he sighed.

“Oh. So that’s where she went. She’s been avoiding the Turks for days.”

“She has been avoiding the best spy organization on the planet?!” Vincent frowned.

“Yes.” Tseng seemed to consider. “I acknowledge that I have a dept to you, Vincent, so I will fill you in.  Mary Sue….might be the greatest calamity to walk this planet since Jenova. Her records in ShinRa states that she spent five years training to become a First Class Soldier, which she succeeded, being the youngest person to achieve that rank, including general Sephiroth who had a hissy fit when he found that out.  She also spent five years in Turk training, reaching the rank of second in command as the youngest person to ever do so, which was not appreciated by…..me.” Tseng cleared his throat and made a sour face before continuing to read from a rapport. “She also studied for five years with professor Gast, but left when she was morally upset by the Lucretia project.”

Vincent blinked, trying to add up the numbers.

“But…she told us she had been studying rocket science! And training to be an airship captain! And…something with tea, in Wutai!”

“That information is also correct.”

“She’s twenty-three years old! At the most!”

With his dead-pan voice Tseng continued to read, although there was a slight tick in his left eye something that really made Vincent pause. Not even Reno could bring out that tick.

“She fought general Sephiroth to a standstill.”

“But that’s…”

“She’s more honorable than Angeal Hewley.”

“I don’t believe…”

“She knows the lost last chapter of Loveless by heart.”

“This is not….”

“She out-drank Reno, out-cooled Rude and is even ditzier than Elena.” Tseng paused and took a long breath. Through the video link he looked straight at Vincent. “And she has a thing for blondes.”

The two men’s eyes met in absolute agreement, beyond a shadow of a doubt. Tseng looked away first.

“I have no claim on you, Valentine, not as a Turk or a friend. But I am asking you…No. I am begging you. As a human being on this planet.”

Vincent nodded. They both knew.

“Ensign Sue must die.”

TBC