FB - PMS

Title:  FB – PMS
Author: Enide Dear
Pairing: Valenwind, Lozoo, Renaj
Rating: insane

Summary:  Vince has PMS (Pre Monster Syndrome)

A/N: This started out funny, I swear! But something happened along the way.



"Alright, are we having a barbeque?" Loz brightened at the sight of the heavy piece of raw meat that Cid put in the fridge.

"No, and don't ya dare touch that, a'right. It's not for us." Cid threw a warning glance at the Remnants.

"Then who? Are we having guests?" Yazoo wondered.

"Sorta." Cid glanced at his husband who was pacing restlessly in the living room; the gunman had been short-tempered and snappy all day and Cid knew the signs when he saw them. He threw a glance out the window and his keen pilot eyes could see the thunderstorm coming, even though it would probably take all day to get to Rocket Town. "Jest ya boys stay close ta the house tanight."


The Remnants might not have been very good at picking up and understanding human emotions, but the dark, violent cloud that lay over Vincent during the day was more than enough to make them back off and leave him alone as much as possible.

“What is wrong with him?” Kadaj whispered to Cid when Vincent had just snapped of Yazoo rather brutally when the long-haired Sephling tried to steal a piece of the chocolate that Vincent had been more or less gorging himself on all day.

“PMS,” Cid answered quietly.

“What? I thought only women got those!”

“Ain’t many women that gets this kind of PMS….”


The thunderstorm hit Rocket Town in a storm of rain and howling winds at late afternoon; the air smelled of ozon and lightning cracked. The Remnants came running in as the rain started to pelt down, but was met in the door by Cid and Vincent going the other way.

“I have to go now, chief.” Vincent was fidgeting; there seemed to be something wrong with the way he was standing, as if he was hunching over. “I’ll be back…when I can.”

“A’righ, love. I’ll miss ya.” Ignoring the confused Sephlings Cid kissed his husband. “Take care, will ya?”

Vincent nodded and unclasped Capey, which fluttered over to Yazoo to be held. Without another word, the dark gunman disappeared into the storm. With a sigh, Cid watched him leave.



Several hours later there was a scratch on the door, a loud, insistent scratch and the Remnants tensed. The storm had been raging for hours and no one would voluntary be out here, in the middle of nowhere, in such a weather. Cid got up and glanced out a window.

"Hey Kadaj, get me a towel, will ya?" He said as he fumbled with the door. "An old one, and big."

He opened the door.

Outside, lit by random, erratic lightning and easily a head taller than the captain or more stood a huge beast. The howling wind pulled at purple fur that dripped, soaked with rain and sleet, a slobbering tongue hung out between yellow teeth and claws tore spastically at the sides. Eyes like red and purple ember glowered and a snarl rose as it saw the Remnants.

"Galian. If yer done playing now, then come inside." Cid stepped aside and the monster fell to all fours and tottered in, huge muscles bouncing underneath fur gone slick with rain. It looked at the Sephlings and the snarl became a growl so low-toned it shook the walls.

The kittens scattered at amazing speed, howling with fear; Kitty rushed up Loz's leg and under his sweater and Yazoo looked like he wanted to do the same. Kadaj dropped the towel and reached for a sword he didn't have.

"Don't ya dare!" Cid grabbed the monster by the scruff of its neck and held it back. "I've told ya a dozen times - ya don't shake yerself dry in here! This might not be the cleanest house on Gaia, but this ain't a dog yard either!" The pilot waved with his free hand. "Get the towel over here, Kadaj."

Crouching very carefully, Kadaj picked up the towel and tossed it in the general direction of the monster. It landed draped over its head and the monster whined.

"Yer such a sissy, Galian." Cid muttered as he started to wipe down the beast. "It can't be that bad."

"It has a name?!" Yazoo quavered a bit from behind Loz, who was temporarily distracted with trying to dislodge cat claws from his chest.

"Oh yeah. This is Galian, one of Vince's demons. The only one who comes out with some regularity." Cid grunted as he tried to lift a paw as big as his head. "He likes thunder and stormy nights, but he sure is a wimp when it comes to getting clean afterwards. Paw up, buster boy, or ya ain't getting any food!"

The monster gave him a pitiful look but obeyed and let Cid dry him.

"So…" Kadaj tried to fight down his fear - the only other demon they'd seen were Chaos and that demon didn't like them. At all. "So it's really Vincent in there, right? Just with another…body."

"Oh, no." Cid rose up and tossed the towel over a radiator. "Vince says it's like sleeping. He has no control over the demons once they take over. This is all Galian. I mean, Vince wouldn't spend hours running after a stick, right?"

"Depends on what stick," Yazoo said shakily, but no one was paying his quips any attention. Cid continued.

"Vince will be back by tomorrow, body and mind."

Yazoo looked a bit faint and Loz a bit sick.

"There's going to be a demon in the house tonight?"

"Yep. Good boy, Galian." He petted the monster, who squirmed under his hand. "Let's get ya something ta eat. Ya must be hungry."


The Remnants pressed against the walls as the demon eagerly followed Cid into the kitchen, but it didn't bother with them. Its tail was wagging and it made a strange, happy panting sound and kept licking Cid's fingers. When they reached the kitchen it got up on its hind paws and put its huge head on Cid's shoulder, gently drooling all over his t-shirt.

The pilot found the huge steak but wagged his finger at the demon who followed his every motion - or at least the steaks motions - with a look of pure hunger.

"Now, eat properly, a'right. No rippin' and shreddin' and coverin' the kitchen with bloodstains again."

"Captain…" Kadaj said, feeling nauseous with fear as he peered into the kitchen. "It…he…it doesn't have any teeth for chewing. Only…only shredding."

"Well, he can make an effort, can't he?" Cid put the steak down on a plate and the plate on the floor. "There ya go!"

The demon tried to eat neatly, but like Kadaj said, it really didn’t have the teeth for it, so it ended up swallowing huge pieces of flesh instead.

“Good boy.” Cid put down a bowl of water. “We’ll be in the livin’ room once you’re done.”


Loz, Yazoo and the cats disappeared up to their room with amazing speed, locking the door from the inside and, from the sound of it, pushing a few furniture in front of the door. Kadaj crept up in his favorite chair, eyes huge but damned if he’d run anywhere for anything less than Chaos as Galian lumbered into the room. The demon growled at him, but didn’t push it as Kadaj stared back. Instead it huffed and crawled up with a small whine at Cid’s feet. When the pilot leaned forward and scratched it behind it’s ears, a long purple tongue rolled out and its hind leg started to pound rhythmically on the floor.

Kadaj shook his head.

“How do you do it, captain?” He asked intrigued.

“It’s easy. Ya just have find that spot behind his ear…”

“No, I mean all of this.” Kadaj waved his hands around. “Us, Vincent…the demons…”

“I don’t get ya.” Cid frowned. Galian had rolled over on his back now, undulating with delight as it got its belly scratched.

“Well…” Kadaj squirmed a bit, clearly uncomfortable but even more curious. “Your husband is the host of four demons, where one at least has tried to destroy the world. Me and my brothers…you adopted us despite everything we did. Everything we *are*. And yet you still love us. How can you do that?”

“I aint’ the poster-boy fer perfect living either, Kadaj.” Cid smiled wryly. “I smoke, I swear, I lose my temper. And, ya know, sometimes I drink too much.”

“Yes, but those are all normal vices! You never tried to destroy the world!”

“Ya really think yer the only ones who’s thought of that? Trust me, everyone does from time to time. When ShinRa shut down the Space Program…if I’d been able ta, I’d gone monkey shit on their asses as well. Only difference is, ya had the power ta try ta do it.” Cid shrugged. “There’s no difference. Ya’ve learned yer lesson. Everyone deserves a second chance. Only problem is dip-shits like Hojo tend ta get far too many.”

“You really mean that, don’t you?” Kadaj said softly.

“’Course I do. Now Galian and me are goin’ fer a walk before bed time. Vince gets horribly embarrassed if he finds out he’s soiled the carpets.” He leaned over, and surprisingly gentle, placed a kiss on Kadaj’s forehead. “G’d night, Kadaj. Everything’s gonna be alright.”

Kadaj watched them leave the house, a man and his huge dog-like demon.

“Yes, he said to himself, “I think it will.”