That didn't go as planned/aka no dress for me

Once every year my department goes away for two days to a 'secret location' to plan next years work. This year we went to a spa. Incidentally the same spa we were almost thrown out of last year due to rowdiness, but since I work for a city with abour a hundred thousand employees, it's not as if anyone is going to turn us down for fear of loosing business. Yes, I realise that sounds like ShinRa.

So, things that happened:

Me: I want to go to the top science fair for biological waste treatment next year. It's just a block from work and it is a splendid oportunity to keep in the front line of this area.
Boss (not naive): Hmm, how much does it cost?
Me: About 10 000 SEK a person and day. And it's two days.
Boss (outraged): Absolutley not! Too expensive!
Other people in my work group: See? Told you you wouldn't get to go.
Me: But it's.....*3 MINUTES of arguing*
Boss:....fine. But only if that's the only fair you'll attend next year.
Me: Sure! (hides all the other fairs and educations he's already signed me up for next year)
Everyone else: o_O How did you do that?!  We were right here and we dont' know how you did that!
Me: Oh, but there's a gala dinner the first night of the fair and I dont' have a dress, can I write it up as work expenses?
Boss: Get. Out!

After work, at fancy dinner, after ONE glass of wine:

E (Female coworker): I wanna paint the boss' toenails tonight.
M (other female coworker): Me to! We need to get him knocked out.
E : I know a guy who could get us some Rhodypnol (date rape drug) like really fast. But he's not in this town.
M: Don't worry. The veterinarian who tends to my horses lives in this town. We could get some horse tranquelisers. (our boss is pretty big)
E: Hey, boss, how much do you weight?
Me, sitting next to boss: If you want to wake up in the morning, don't answer that. IF being the main word here.
Boss to E and M: None of your freaking business.
Me: I saved your toes. Now can I get a gala dress?
Boss: Get out!

Later, after more wine and champagne:

J (male collegue): Hey, wanna go look at the dragon with me?
Me: That's the worse pick-up line I've ever heard. And I just heard M convincing G to go with him so he could show her how to 'stretch her jaw'.
J: What? No, there really is a dragon out here.
(There was. A carved wooden one, huge!)


Later:
Me: E and M suggested you and some other male collegues do the balloon dance.
Boss: And now you want a dress for warning me?
Me: not really. I suggested you do the hard bread dance instead because the spa didnt' have balloons when we asked them. I'm just here to hand them over to you.
Boss: Get out of my sight!



 Even later, after more alcohol.

We were almost thrown out of the facilities again, due to rowdiness. A mignight open spa + alcohol + collegues are not a good combination.
Note to take with you:
Skinny dipping in the sea - ok
Skinny dipping in a spa - not ok.
(I didn't skinny dip though)


When on the way home

Boss: So what did you get out of these two days?
Me: Information on what collegue is a top-notch archer who dies shows at Viking fairs (always a good thing to know, what with the zombie apocalypse around the corner) some pretty good drawings of dinousaurs to my son and a handbag full of prepacked fancy tea from the cake buffét and a few handfuls of complimary  one-packed chocolates from the conference rooms.
Boss: Not the answer I was looking for.
Me: I can give you a better if you agree on the dress.
Boss: Get out!
Me: We're on a bus!
Boss: I dont' care!



Work planning days are so much fun Even though I never did get that dress. *pout*