Love's Fools

Title: Love's fools
Author: Enide Dear
Pairing: Valenwind
Rating: uh, insane.Or romantic. Depends on your view
Summary: Neither Cid nor Vincent is very good at this whole 'courting' thing.
A/N: For Love Confession Contest!


"Alright Cid, what did you do this time?" Tifa sipped her morning coffee and gave the scruffy pilot a stern glance.

"I don't know what yer talking about." Looking disturbingly much like a cat with a bowl of cream, Cid squeezed himself in by the Inn's kitchen table, between Nanaki and Cloud. All of Avalanche – sans one – was already loading up on a healthy hero breakfast of burned, crispy bits, sugar, fat, caffeine and starch.

Tifa didn't deign to answer, just gave him a weary, knowing look. That in itself was not very scary- the woman had a sixth sense when it came to love and romance and had figured out Cid's adoration for a certain gunman while the pilot himself was still looking for the door-handle to the closet. What was a bit frightening though was how everyone else around the table – even Cloud who was usually too lost in his own head not to notice anything if it didn't' have teeth, claws, a bad temper and came running at him  - nodded agreement.

"Yer a bunch of snoops, is what ya all are." To cover his growing anxiety, Cid buttered up some toast and bit into it. "Alright, so I left some gifts fer Vince. A few love notes outside his room. Big deal."

"Love notes?" Yuffie giggled.

"Hey, he's a sensitive guy, alright!"

"Yes, he is." Tifa nodded agreement. "A sensitive undead gunman. With a machine gun. Heading this way."

"What?!" Cid all but flew out of the chair, spilling tea and butter everywhere. Blue eyes got huge as he stared out the window where indeed a half naked Vincent was prowling the Inn's yard with an automatic gun under his arm and a no-nonsense look on his face. Cid blanched. "Holy fucking Hell!"

"Actually," peeking over his morning paper, Barret added as the true weapon expert, "that is not a machine gun, it's an Uzi. They are more modern, easier to carry and almost never stall. Machine guns have not been used since the Second World War."

"Huh." Scooping in some cereals, Yuffie leaned untroubled on her elbow. "You always learn something new, I guess."

"It had been a very educational journey thus far." Nanaki agreed, daintily licking up a piece of bacon.

"Will ya stop yer brainless yapping and help me out here!" Panicking, Cid desperately looked for a way out. "He's gonna kill me!"

"So I ask you again, Cid, what did you do?" Tifa smiled pleasantly.

"And you might want to hurry up," Cloud added helpfully with his mouth full of toast and jam. "I think Vincent is sniffing you out."

True enough, the gunman's head was up, his nose vibrating in the fresh morning air. And then piercing red eyes closed with frightened blue ones through the Inn's window, much like a sniper's laser.

"Shit!" Cid dived for cover under the table, crawling in a mess of paws and legs as his comrades continued their breakfast. He latched on to a pair of shapely ones. "Tifa, ya gotta help me!"

"Um, Cid? That is not Tifa. That would be me." Came Cloud's voice from above.

A slight pause came from beneath the table.

"Spikey, why the Hell are ya wearing fishnet stockings?"

"Don't you have bigger problems to deal with right now?"

"Alright, fine! I broke inta Vince's room when he slept! I put up  pink heart decorations in the ceiling above his bed! I filled the bed with fluffy plushies that sing 'I will always love ya' when ya press their bellies! I left enough candy and roses on the dresser table ta give anyone allergy! I…might have added a few nude pics an interestin' underwear in there too…."

"It's a good thing to play it subtle." Caith grinned, being the only one who hadn't lost his appetite due to being the only one who didn't eat.

"Cid, you are crowding the poor man!" Scowling, Tifa peeked under the table and tried to dislodge the pilot from her legs. "Give him some room!"

"And some damn masculinity," Barret grumbled behind his paper. "By the way, he's coming in now. 'Morning, Vincent."

Cid yelped and leapt and would have knocked over the breakfast table if not for the fast reactions and still grumbling bellies of the rest of the group. In a rather neat move, Cid tiger-dived through the window, rolled and came up running.

Red eyes followed as Vincent hefted the Uzi, nodded at the rest of the group and then followed the pilot in a more stately pace.

"See? There's no reason to let yourself go just because you are getting on in age." Reeve's voice from Caith took on a lecturing tone as he turned to Yuffie. "If you keep up your exercise and keep a fine diet of nicotine and tea, you'll be able to outrun homicidal lovers to at that age, young lady."

"I'm learning so much on this adventure," Yuffie sighed happily.


Vincent caught up with Cid along the abandoned chocobo stable. The pilot could rabbit with the best of them, but there really were no place to go. Now he was pressing his back against the barn, caught, as the gunman approached, steadily and inescapable like death or taxes.  

"Look, Vince, I jest….." Cid started but the Uzi was faster. Bullets flew. "I love ya!" Was all Cid had time to scream.

The Uzi died down. Cid dared to open his eyes – slowly.

He wasn't dead. In fact, he wasn't even hurt, not even a scratch. Gaping he stared at Vincent, but the gunman just solemnly lifted a claw and pointed at the barn behind him.

As Cid took a step back, he realized he was surrounded by a huge heart, neatly outlined by bullet holes. A 'V' and a 'C' was in each corner of the heart, approximately an inch from Cid's head.

Cid's legs suddenly gave out and he fell on his ass on the grass. Metal boots *clinked* as they approached him and then Vincent sat down gracefully next to him, admiring his handywork.

"I'm not good with words," the dark-haired man mumbled. "But I expect this will convey my feelings about two particular subjects."

"What subjects?" Cid rasped, his heart still working overtime on adrenaline, love and death-anxiety.

"The first: my feelings for you, chief." With a small smile, Vincent leaned in and kissed him. "The second: my feelings for people who sneak into my room when I sleep and try to smother me under teddy bears, hearts, and dirty pictures."

"It wasn't that bad." Grinning, Cid tried to defend himself.

"The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was a very close view of a photo of a penis. Somewhat overwhelmed, I was almost strangled to death by something lacy and elastic, stung to death as an avalanche of roses fell over me and then, finally, was unable to locate my own underwear and had to settle for the lacy thing. It tickles in places that should not be tickled, Highwind." Red eyes looked stern, but there was a smile on the pale lips as he melted deeper into the pilot's embrace.

"Well, I never claimed ta be subtle." Cid's heart was slowing down on fear and speeding up on other, far more pleasant feelings.

"That is good." Vincent nodded at the bullet-hole heart. "Just remember that neither am I."